Jennifer's top tips for separated parents during the school holidays

School holidays are a huge source of excitement for children but can be a time of worry for parents who have separated and particularly parents who both work. Navigating childcare, trying to fit in a holiday, working and co-parenting to the best of each of the parent’s abilities can be difficult at times. I therefore thought it may be timely to share with you my top tips for how to make summer holidays as good for parents as they are a source of fun and excitement for children. 

1. Plan, plan, plan

If you and your former partner are both clear on arrangements for handover, what needs to be handed over (i.e. passports/ any special equipment / medication) then the transfer between two homes or preparing for two separate holidays is likely to be smoother. Knowing plans for handover to include dates, times, locations etc will make the process more straightforward for all involved and will ensure the children feel settled between and across transitions.

Leaving decision-making and planning on dates, times and arrangements can lead to frustration and an unwillingness to be cooperative and this atmosphere may be picked up by the children. You do not want the start or end of the time that children spend with you or with their other parent to be blighted by an atmosphere. Always try to prioritise the wellbeing of a child/ children.

2. Clarity and managing expectations

If both separated parents are clear on plans and what is expected of each other in terms of the children's needs, whilst they are in the care of the other parent, then expectations can be managed better. Similarly, children’s expectations should be managed to ensure that the children enjoy time with each of their parents without being encumbered with any worry for the parent they are not with or lack of knowledge as to where they are going to be from one day or one week to the next. I often recommend to the families I work with to use a colour coded calendar and to have this available in each home. This will show dates clearly and enables children to have a better understanding of arrangements. This also works outside of holiday time.

3. Good communication

Ensure that communication between parents is positive and that positivity will radiate out. Transitions between homes or between holidays can be difficult for children to manage, particularly if they feel worried or burdened by their respective parent’s emotions. Remember it is the children's school holidays too and they should not be responsible for each of their parents’ happiness or feelings.  It can be difficult saying goodbye to children for a week or two weeks before they go on holiday but, ensuring that the communication between parents is positive and appropriate will make this process better.

In terms of communication for the children, the children should be listened to and if they wish to speak to the parent that they are not with, from time to time during the holiday, then this communication ought to be made available and children should be listened to. Texting the parent that is back home or the child is not with in advance, to agree a mutually convenient FaceTime/ Whatsapp call is often helpful for the child. It can also be helpful for the parent at home that might be finding the time apart difficult and these things ought to be taken into account and some kindness shown.  

4. Sharing of information

Always be sure to provide necessary emergency contact details, information as to location and whereabouts as to where you are staying, flight numbers in the event of an abroad holiday and updates regarding any travel plans that get changed, particularly flights being delayed etc. This sharing of information is key so that everyone understands what is happening and removes any worry or frustrations if there is a genuine issue with timings and handover.  

With these tips in mind, I do hope you all enjoy a happy holiday, for each of you and the children. Juggling work over summer holidays, plans for children, play dates, activities, days out, packing for holidays etc can be stressful. To keep those stress levels down and for parents to enjoy the summer as much as their children, preparation, planning, clarity, communication and sharing of information will help to keep arrangements more fluid, which will be particularly beneficial for all children involved. Compromise and flexibility can go a long way.

If you have any difficulties with arrangements over the summer holidays, please do not hesitate to contact myself or one of the experts in our family team.